Understanding the keys to forgiveness is vital to our health, mentally and spiritually. Discovering the keys to forgiveness is the only way to find true peace.
God Commands We Forgive
We all expect God to forgive us, yet it is human nature to carry a grudge against anyone who offends us. The bigger the offense, the bigger the grudge.
Even the smallest unforgiveness in us is against what God commands of us. ‘And whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone, so your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions’, Mark 11:25.
Sinners are Forgiven
As a sinner we do not deserve God’s mercy and grace, yet He loved us so much He sent His Son to die for us while we were still sinners, Romans 5:8. When we accept Christ as our Saviour, all our sins, past, present and future, are forgiven.
Therefore, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, graciously forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has graciously forgiven you, Ephesians 4:32.
Jesus said we must forgive from our hearts, so it’s not just be lip service, Matthew 18:35. We need to forgive and forget. When we repent of it and ask His forgiveness God forgets every sin we ever commit. Never to be remembered again.
Deadly Result of Unforgiveness
The deadly result of unforgiveness is to become burdened with bitterness and anger. Unforgiveness turns us into sour, angry people who others find unpleasant to associate with. Unforgiveness pollutes our nature and colours our entire outlook on life.
Unforgiveness then becomes a dead body that is strapped to your back, just as in ancient times they strapped a murdered victim to the back of the murderer. What a terrible punishment that must have been as the carcass slowly rotted away. The flies and maggots and the smell! Holding resentment has the same effect in our lives.
Ownership
When you hold a grudge against someone who has offended you, they gain control over you, for the offense becomes like a canker worm to your soul. Unforgiveness causes ‘sweet water’ to become bitter and undrinkable.
It also takes ‘two-to-tango’. An impartial judge would probably find there is fault on both sides. It is not a matter of who is right or who is wrong, but whether or not you hold the offense against them and let it define who you are.
True forgiveness means you do not hold them responsible for the offense. God does not hold you accountable for all the wrong you have done Him in breaking His law when you confess and ask forgiveness.
Two-Edged Sword
The cause of the offense is also a two-edged sword. We are hurt and angry with the offender, but we also become angry with ourselves because we trusted the person. We judge ourselves on how come we hadn’t seen the possibility of being let down, or the way we reacted to the offense.
Stop laying the blame on them, or on yourself. Things happen, so get on with the joy of tomorrow, not the mistakes of yesterday.
Follow Jesus’ Example
Jesus forgave even at the worst possible moment of His life. His body was wracked with pain and He faced dying in the cruellest manner man can devise, Luke 23:34. Worse still, He faced total separation from His Father in heaven, Matthew 27:46, as God’s wrath was poured out on Him for sins He did not commit.
When Jesus died on the cross, He paid the price for our forgiveness. As He forgives, we need to forgive others – totally. God remembers our sins no more as they have been removed as far as the east is from the west.
If God doesn’t recall our past sins because they have been washed away by the Blood of Christ, then we need to make sure we don’t dwell on them.
Keys to Forgiveness
A major key to forgiveness is to make a firm decision. Forgiving someone is an active decision on your part to not judge others for their actions. You also need to make a decision to let it go. Holding onto a grudge poisons you without affecting the offender, and it is not your place to take revenge.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never taking your own revenge, beloved. Instead, leave room for the wrath of God. For it is written, Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord, Romans 12:18,19.
It is not a matter of being reconciled to the offender, but making a decision to abandon all hatred, judgement and animosity toward the offender. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and anger and wrath and shouting and slander be put away from you, along with malice, Ephesians 4:30,31.
The Scar
No one reaches the end of their life without numerous scars. Your first reaction when someone offends you is intense hurt. The depth of the grief depends on how much you trusted the offender. The closer a relationship is, the deeper the hurt.
We feel hurt that we could be so misunderstood. It’s like putting a nail into a piece of wood. You can remove the nail but you can’t remove the scar. It is important to let the scar heal and a vital part of that process is the decision not to judge the other person.
Judgement is Another Key
We make numerous judgements every day of our life in a thousand small ways, such as what to wear, or what to eat. We also make judgements about other people. ‘I wouldn’t dream of acting like that, or wearing those shoes with that coat’.
Making a judgement is a large part of holding unforgiveness in your heart. We feel justified in holding it against them. The offender did not understand you and you didn’t fully understand why they took the stance they did.
Prayer Is A Key
Set yourself aside for a while and let your mind roam back over your life. Consciously forgive every person who has ever offended you. The older you are, the more people you will have to forgive. Above all, add yourself to the list for all the wrong decisions you made.
Then, rise up from your time of introspection and walk on with a clean sheet, setting your sights on the golden city of Heaven and the endless joy you will experience there. After all, you are totally forgiven with all your sins washed as white as snow, Isaiah 1:18. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Only then can we know true peace.
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