To overcome the power of offence and resentment is to understand the crippling effect of those two emotions. They become a hidden poison that erodes our wellbeing.

Resentment and Offence

Resentment is a deep, lingering feeling of bitterness or indignation that arises from an imagined or real offence. They arise from feeling wronged, unfairly treated or mistreated. There is unresolved anger, disappointment, or hurt, especially when you feel powerless to address the situation.

You feel overlooked, disrespected or betrayed and unappreciated. This leads to holding onto past grievances that have no resolution.

Before resentment enters, love must take its flight and bitterness reigns supreme. The bitter soul compiles a list of slights at which it has taken offence. These feelings are poisonous to the soul for a bitter heart is always suspicious about personal rights being violated. However, that is not the Way of the Cross.

Righteous Anger

Offence and resentment are not to be confused with righteous anger.

Christ showed righteous anger when he drove the money changers out of the Temple, Matthew 21:12,13. Unlike uncontrolled or selfish anger, righteous anger is rooted in a desire to correct a wrong rather than to harm others.

At the Cross Christ felt no offence or resentment for the treatment of the worst kind that could inflict on his fellow-man. Mocked, scorned, beaten and hung on a cruel wooden cross to the point He cried out, My God My God why have You forsaken Me, Matthew 27:46. The Creator of the universe was cruelly abused by the created. Yet, even while they were in the act, He forgave them. He understood the what, why and how of His tormentors.

Unlike righteous anger, offence and resentment festers internally, leading to grudges, passive-aggressiveness, and or emotional distress. It harms relationships and personal well-being if not addressed through forgiveness, communication, and self-reflection.

What We Don’t Know

We have no concept of the depths of the things that drives a person to cause us offence. More than that, God says vengeance is mine, and retribution. In due time their foot will slip, Deuteronomy 32:35. God deals with any who hurt or cause offence to Christ’s ‘little ones’, Mark 9:42. We may not see it, but God knows what they are going to do long before they do it, and for His own reasons, He permits these things to happen, for He knows the end from the beginning, Isaiah 46:10.

Consider what Paul went through. His back was ripped open three times by 39 lashes. He was beaten with rods three times, stoned once, shipwrecked and spent the night and a day in the ocean. His journeys were frequented with flooded rivers, robbers and he was threatened by his own people, as well as the Gentiles he was attempting to reach. He knew dangers in the city and in the wilderness. Falsely accused by Christians. Knew many sleepless nights, hunger and cold, apart from the internal anxiety over the newly formed churches, 2 Corinthians 11:25.

That does not sound like a world-changing Apostle. Surely, he screamed out to God ‘How much more do I have to endure’? Endure he did, all the way to being beheaded around the age of 60 years old. His work changed the world forever and his writings have influenced countless generations of people. Everything he went through made him the man he was. For God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose, Romans 8:28.

Clean Heart

No matter what happens in our life, one of the major keys to overcoming offence and resentment is to know that God is always working on our behalf. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me, Psalm 51:10. It is up to us to not harbour the poisonous weeds of offence and resentment.

The fiery trials of life, 1 Peter 4:12, bring about their own blessings as God works His mysterious way in our lives. For My thoughts are not your thoughts. Nor your ways My way, declares the Lord, Isaiah 55:8. The more we submit our life to Him, the more we will undergo. It is all about relationship and how much we really trust and have faith in our God.

Ask the Holy Spirit to root out all vestiges of resentment and offence that are hiding in your heart. You will be amazed at the revelation and how many people you need to forgive in your heart. Above all, forgive yourself.

Newness of Life

It is vital to die to self and rise in newness of life, which is an ongoing process. Christ died once for all, Romans 6:10. However, God gave us the precious gift of free will, but daily we need to take up our cross and die to self, Matthew 16:24.

Humble yourself beneath the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you at the proper time, 1 Peter 5:6. That means seeking the will of God no matter the cost, just as the Son obeyed the Father unto the vilest of death man could devise.

Power of Offence and Resentment

The power of offence and resentment is lessened when we consider how much more Christ has the right to be offended at our behaviour. Keep a daily check on your offence metre, for even our words are frequently misunderstood. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the intent of any offence or resentment you picked up during the day. Pray you will find God’s perspective on it.

We cannot serve God through self-defence, but by denying or sacrificing one’s own interests, needs, or desires in order to do the will of God. Only then can we be totally at peace. Practice self-control and don’t let offence turn to anger or resentment. God says My grace is sufficient for you for power is perfected in weakness, 2 Corinthians 12:9.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness plays a major role in overcoming offence and resentment. Forgive not once, but again and again. The offender may not even be aware of your forgiveness, for that is between you and God. People’s actions say more about them than about you, just as God’s words reveal who He is.

Don’t be put off by the curses from others, being puffed up by their compliments, or retreating because of opposition. It may require setting some limits and boundaries to how you interact with some people.

Overcome Offence and Resentment

God created you to be an overcomer. Offence and resentment are always a choice.

Keep your heart weed free by taking everything to God. He alone knows where you are at and has an eternal plan for you that includes being an overcomer and living victoriously. Don’t live in the valley of tears but climb to great heights in God.

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Dr. Wendy Stenberg-Tendys is a freelance writer who enjoys researching a topic and sharing words of encouragement from the Word of God.

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