Be Confident without being Arrogant


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Be encouraged, you can be confident without being arrogant, though being confident and being arrogant are two sides of the same coin. The difference is that confidence draws people and builds trust and credibility. Arrogance pushes people away and makes you appear unapproachable, untrustworthy and unattractive.

This is something I struggle with and it is hard to know when you step over the line from confidence into arrogance. This post is for me and any who have travelled the same rocky road, and if you feel there is one finger pointing at you, there are three fingers pointing back at me.

Step 1: Focus on Others

If you feel consumed with your own insecurity, or compare yourself with others and come up feeling inadequate, you are not on your own. If you feel you have to always prove yourself, it’s time to make others feel good and forget your own short-comings. None of us are perfect and life is not a competition with others.

Step 2: Accept Your Weaknesses

To acknowledge your faults or weaknesses is the only way to find your true potential and strength. After all, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. We need to accept who we are, or we will never have confidence in ourselves. Accepting who we are is one of the hardest things we can do.

Until we confront our limitations head on, we will continue to hide the real self behind a mask. We are always our own worst critics. When we find the courage to accept our shortcomings we will see them as an opportunity to grow. Shortcomings are not to be a source of shame, for self-acceptance frees us from the constraints of perfectionism.

Step 3: Let go of the Past

In ancient times it was the practice to tie the dead body on the back of the murderer, to not only point him out to the rest of society, but to humble him in every sense of the word. Too many of us carry our past like a dead body strapped to our back. We can spend a lifetime trying to atone for past mistakes or live with endless regrets.

What you did in the past does not define who you are. We need to learn to let the past go and drop past mistakes into the ‘Sea of Forgetfulness’. This allows you to come to a place of peace with yourself. You operated in what you knew at the time. Focus on your present and the future your infinite imagination desires to create. This will build your confidence and you will become fully invested in your life, with the ability to soar beyond your imagined or real limitations.

Step 4: Check your Daily Habits

Check those things that are embedded in your everyday life. First you need to make sure you give yourself the same love and respect you give to those you love and respect.

Allowing negative thoughts to become centre stage is a road to disaster. Daily you need to care for your body, soul and spirit. That involves sleep, diet, exercise, rest and relaxation. Give yourself time and space to enjoy being you. Avoid anything that is toxic, and that includes certain people.

Step 5: Be Grateful

Reflect on the positives in your life, past present and future and love who you are. For every negative there is an equal and opposite positive. Adopting a grateful perspective dramatically transforms and improves your life. You have two choices – self-pity or gratitude. Develop gratitude and it leads to positivity and abundance. Self-pity leads to the downward spiral, ending in the Black Dog of Depression.

Each morning take a few minutes to journal, by writing down things in your life that are a blessing to you. You will be amazed at how much there is to be grateful for, including people you are grateful for. Alysha Rosly wrote “There is always something good in every day”.

Step 6: Embrace Criticism

This one causes a real “Ouch! Ouch!” It is never easy to embrace criticism but there are some great hidden benefits. It is a natural order of things to put people into boxes and cut them down. When you begin to change, it messes with their perception of you, but we live in a world where the constancy of change is the norm.

There are times you have to summon up courage and to not let criticism from others rule your life. Remember, they sing to their own tune. Instead, use criticism, founded or unfounded, to fuel your growth.

Confidence comes from embracing negativity and letting it make a stronger you. The strongest steel is only the result of being tempered. The heating and cooling process increases the strength, making it more resistant to wear and tear. We need to allow criticism to temper us. 

Genuine self-improvement and an increased sense of worth cannot be shaken by outside negativity, combined with no longer being afraid of yourself.

Step 7: Keep Your Word

This is all about living with integrity and following through with what you say you will do. Don’t promise anything you cannot deliver on.


Enjoy who you are and move forward with confidence in yourself, which is the opposite side to arrogance. Life is there to be lived and a confident you has much to offer. ‘Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations’.

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